I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
