how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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