Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
