is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize