oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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