God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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