he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
