I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
