Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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