It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
