Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can Purell be used as lube?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
