i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
