am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
