that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
