Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
