i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
