you traded sex for a burrito?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
