I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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