found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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