i think my tv is drunk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
