Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize