Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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