Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
