Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
