I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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