I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize