what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
