Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
