I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I could make wine with my vomit
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
