Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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