I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
