she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
