I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize