at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
