marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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