a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
