Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
