at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
