i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
