You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize