He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
