I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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