We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
