Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
