sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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