I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
