babies were throwing up all over the place
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
did i walk over a car last night?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
