girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
