Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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