I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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