I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
