PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize