so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
