No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
