just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
