the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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