I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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