i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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