ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize