Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
