the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
