Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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