Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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