He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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