If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
