wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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