It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
