you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
