no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
