I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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