shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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