I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
