If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
