Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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