my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i will never coherently bang her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
