This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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