"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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