Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
