***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
okay pat passed out under dana's car
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cannot find my penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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