I wish i was in the wii world.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
