Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
