So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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