i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
