dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
