I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
