I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
